Hipster How To: Step By Step
So you wanna be a hipster?! It's all the rage these days. I don't blame you at all. But where to start? How can you achieve the style you might wonder. Never fear, I'm here to help. Follow my carefully laid out recipe and you'll be just as annoying as all the other hipsters. You are but steps away from complete douchebaggary! I can feel your anticipation. Here we go....
The first step is to refrain from showering for at least a week. You want to look as clammy and exhausted as possible. Style your hair with baby oil. By style I mean throw it in there run your fingers through it. Don't bother looking in the mirror. Mirrors are so mainstream. That should cover hipster hair and skin care.
Second, clothing. We will make it simple and go one clothing item at a time with examples of how to obtain these items.
The main clothing highlight in this style is to choose the most ill fitting ensemble you can find. And it doesn't matter in which way either. The clothing can be ten sizes to large or small. Combine both large and small for optimum effect.
You are going to need a shirt. Seems pretty simple. I suggest you stop a 10 year old boyscout and steal his uniform shirt. If you can't find a boyscout borrow your wife's baby tee. The one with a picture of butterflies on it.
Pants are tricky. I suggest you trade pants with your spouse right now. Ladies, your jeans are probably huge now. You will need a belt. Grab a piece of rope from the garage. Knot it four times. Now roll those jeans up mid calf like you're wading at the beach. Perfect! Boys, your pants should be pretty tight. Can you bend over? If the answer is yes, you're not there yet. Trade pants with your preteen daughter. Good.
Next are shoes. Head to the bowling alley rent shoes. Steal them. Don't bother wearing socks. They're yours now. No bowling alley around? Trade a hobo for his shoes.
Finally is accessories! You're going to need a hat. Visit grandma. Grab whatever shes got handy. Don't worry about being gender specific. Go crazy. If she's got a bolero or broken glasses lying around...toss those on too.
...and finally the last item is a scarf. It doesn't matter if its 102 degrees out! Do you want to be hip or weather appropriate? ....I thought so!
Well, hey there hipster! Looking good! One last detail ladies. Grab some coral lipstick. The shade that makes even a toothpaste model's chompers look yellow...yeah! Yahtzee! Nailed it!
You're a hipster now. It's a whole new world!
The first step is to refrain from showering for at least a week. You want to look as clammy and exhausted as possible. Style your hair with baby oil. By style I mean throw it in there run your fingers through it. Don't bother looking in the mirror. Mirrors are so mainstream. That should cover hipster hair and skin care.
Second, clothing. We will make it simple and go one clothing item at a time with examples of how to obtain these items.
The main clothing highlight in this style is to choose the most ill fitting ensemble you can find. And it doesn't matter in which way either. The clothing can be ten sizes to large or small. Combine both large and small for optimum effect.
You are going to need a shirt. Seems pretty simple. I suggest you stop a 10 year old boyscout and steal his uniform shirt. If you can't find a boyscout borrow your wife's baby tee. The one with a picture of butterflies on it.
Pants are tricky. I suggest you trade pants with your spouse right now. Ladies, your jeans are probably huge now. You will need a belt. Grab a piece of rope from the garage. Knot it four times. Now roll those jeans up mid calf like you're wading at the beach. Perfect! Boys, your pants should be pretty tight. Can you bend over? If the answer is yes, you're not there yet. Trade pants with your preteen daughter. Good.
Next are shoes. Head to the bowling alley rent shoes. Steal them. Don't bother wearing socks. They're yours now. No bowling alley around? Trade a hobo for his shoes.
Finally is accessories! You're going to need a hat. Visit grandma. Grab whatever shes got handy. Don't worry about being gender specific. Go crazy. If she's got a bolero or broken glasses lying around...toss those on too.
...and finally the last item is a scarf. It doesn't matter if its 102 degrees out! Do you want to be hip or weather appropriate? ....I thought so!
Well, hey there hipster! Looking good! One last detail ladies. Grab some coral lipstick. The shade that makes even a toothpaste model's chompers look yellow...yeah! Yahtzee! Nailed it!
You're a hipster now. It's a whole new world!
Comments
Post a Comment