Your kid isnt stupid they are just DIFFERENT!
We successfully finished our first week of school this year! So far its been so much fun. All my babies are school agers! So, naturally being a stay at home mom I am at school more than home. I have been volunteering as much as I am needed.
Today I got the honor of helping in my daughter's kindergarten class. It was a thrill but also a bit sad. Most people who know me know that my eldest son (now a teenager) is special needs. He has a learning disability (or different ability as I like to call it.) as well as several other neurological issues. He has many sensory issues that make how he sees/hears/feels the world a bit different than the average kid.
I was in my daughters class for about five minutes when I spotted a little girl. I recognized her but could not place where it was I had seen her. Its not a surprise though. We have lived here five years and I have been a team parent in sports and my kids have done many activities on base so I dismissed it at first.
Her behavior intrigued me. I knew from the moment I met her she is an Aspy. She did not notice the people around her. Or did she care. When the teacher spoke it was as if she heard nothing. When all the kids were lining up to do their centers...she walked off and began playing with blocks. At bathroom time she stood in the restroom with her hands over her ears because the echo of the flushing toilets was too much for her ears.
This poor little girl was so overwhelmed when centers started. The louder the room got, the more agitated she became. She began screaming gibberish over the noise in an attempt to soothe herself. When that didn't work she started running in circles, kicking blocks over knocking chairs down and trying to run out of the class room.When I spoke to her she repeated everything back in the exact same tone and pitch.
Because I know the behaviors and have experience with it I know she is overstimulated and at this point she doesn't need discipline she needs to be removed from the stress and allowed to calm down. But...in a class with 30 children it is impossible to do this. I mentioned to the teacher that my own son has these problems and she should definitely speak with her parents about having her tested. The teacher looked at me and almost cried and said..."So you understand? You see it too?" She seemed so relieved. Of course I do. I don't understand how her parents never mentioned these things or noticed. I was only with her for a few hours and I saw it within the first few minutes...BUT...I know the signs.
I thought back to my early days with my son. I thought asking for help meant I was a bad mom. Like maybe it was my fault he didn't follow directions. Or perhaps I was doing something wrong at home. Why was he so disrespectful?
Your child isn't disrespectful or defiant. There is a huge difference between being oppositional and being overstimulated. Discipline does not work. Ignoring it makes it worse and burying your head in the sand only holds them back.
If your child has these quirks it wont hurt anyone or thing to get them checked out with a specialist. The kids are not stupid by any means but they do learn differently and need special help. The longer you put off having them diagnosed...the harder it is to learn the further behind they get and the more agitated they will become. Don't force them to be labeled the "bad kid" in class. Its something that follows them around forever. Don't let your refusal to admit they are different effect their self esteem. You are only hurting them. Love them the way they are and get education on how to help them best.
A good parent asks for help. A good parents wants to do better. We want to give our kids the best.
I remembered where I knew her from. Two years ago on a chilly day in October I walked out of my front door to see a baby in my garden fountain. She was dressed in a Dora pajama top and a diaper. I went to her and asked her name and where she lived. Her answer was an echo of my question. She only spoke what I did besides repeating the word "Stupendous!" over and over again. I picked her up and began knocking on every door in my neighborhood. No one knew who she was. I began walking back to my home to call the police to report her as missing when her mom walked up pushing a stroller. This was an hour after I had found her. She was calm and said she must have just walked away from the house. I was furious with her cavalier attitude. I was hysterical. I handed her off and walked away before I lost my cool with her.
I sincerely hope her parents get her the help she deserves.
Today I got the honor of helping in my daughter's kindergarten class. It was a thrill but also a bit sad. Most people who know me know that my eldest son (now a teenager) is special needs. He has a learning disability (or different ability as I like to call it.) as well as several other neurological issues. He has many sensory issues that make how he sees/hears/feels the world a bit different than the average kid.
I was in my daughters class for about five minutes when I spotted a little girl. I recognized her but could not place where it was I had seen her. Its not a surprise though. We have lived here five years and I have been a team parent in sports and my kids have done many activities on base so I dismissed it at first.
Her behavior intrigued me. I knew from the moment I met her she is an Aspy. She did not notice the people around her. Or did she care. When the teacher spoke it was as if she heard nothing. When all the kids were lining up to do their centers...she walked off and began playing with blocks. At bathroom time she stood in the restroom with her hands over her ears because the echo of the flushing toilets was too much for her ears.
This poor little girl was so overwhelmed when centers started. The louder the room got, the more agitated she became. She began screaming gibberish over the noise in an attempt to soothe herself. When that didn't work she started running in circles, kicking blocks over knocking chairs down and trying to run out of the class room.When I spoke to her she repeated everything back in the exact same tone and pitch.
Because I know the behaviors and have experience with it I know she is overstimulated and at this point she doesn't need discipline she needs to be removed from the stress and allowed to calm down. But...in a class with 30 children it is impossible to do this. I mentioned to the teacher that my own son has these problems and she should definitely speak with her parents about having her tested. The teacher looked at me and almost cried and said..."So you understand? You see it too?" She seemed so relieved. Of course I do. I don't understand how her parents never mentioned these things or noticed. I was only with her for a few hours and I saw it within the first few minutes...BUT...I know the signs.
I thought back to my early days with my son. I thought asking for help meant I was a bad mom. Like maybe it was my fault he didn't follow directions. Or perhaps I was doing something wrong at home. Why was he so disrespectful?
Your child isn't disrespectful or defiant. There is a huge difference between being oppositional and being overstimulated. Discipline does not work. Ignoring it makes it worse and burying your head in the sand only holds them back.
If your child has these quirks it wont hurt anyone or thing to get them checked out with a specialist. The kids are not stupid by any means but they do learn differently and need special help. The longer you put off having them diagnosed...the harder it is to learn the further behind they get and the more agitated they will become. Don't force them to be labeled the "bad kid" in class. Its something that follows them around forever. Don't let your refusal to admit they are different effect their self esteem. You are only hurting them. Love them the way they are and get education on how to help them best.
A good parent asks for help. A good parents wants to do better. We want to give our kids the best.
I remembered where I knew her from. Two years ago on a chilly day in October I walked out of my front door to see a baby in my garden fountain. She was dressed in a Dora pajama top and a diaper. I went to her and asked her name and where she lived. Her answer was an echo of my question. She only spoke what I did besides repeating the word "Stupendous!" over and over again. I picked her up and began knocking on every door in my neighborhood. No one knew who she was. I began walking back to my home to call the police to report her as missing when her mom walked up pushing a stroller. This was an hour after I had found her. She was calm and said she must have just walked away from the house. I was furious with her cavalier attitude. I was hysterical. I handed her off and walked away before I lost my cool with her.
I sincerely hope her parents get her the help she deserves.
Comments
Post a Comment