Dear Taya

Without sounding like a creepy stalker I feel a very intense connection to you personally. My husband was also a veteran who died way too soon. I became a widow at age 34. My husband had just been retired for 135 days. Our children were the same age when their daddies died. I know that your husband is hailed a hero, that his life and death has received such intense media attention, and he was a hero indeed. But it's you I think about because when the cameras stop rolling and the bright lights switch off you are like me, just a veterans widow who loved her husband very much and who has to look in her babies eyes knowing you can't fix the pain they feel. You cant bring him back when they cry out for him.

I know how it feels to lose your identity in minutes. To know in that moment everything for the rest of your life has changed. The enormity of loss that comes and makes a home in your heart. There's just a empty place now. Nothing can fill it and we honestly don't want it filled. After the immediate pain begins to subside it's converted to a memorial dedicated to the life you shared. I know that it's comforting to see the outpouring of support for your husband. I am sure it helps but I also know nothing can be said, or done to make it okay for his absence in your arms. We smile, we put on a brave face and remind our kids that daddy is up in heaven protecting God now. We push on with our lives, making new memories but even in our happiest moments there is still a dull ache because he's not there to share it.

I don't know you but I know how you feel. They were taken from us and no matter their medals, accomplishments, rank and service to their country to us he was just the boy you fell in love with and intended to grow old together.

I know the man who took your husband claimed PTSD made him do it but I know PTSD. THAT wasn't it. My husband had PTSD for nearly a decade and the only person he was dangerous to was himself. He took his own life. He could no longer fight the war in his head. He didn't want to hurt anyone. He only wanted the pain to stop. I witnessed his suicide that night and now I also have PTSD.  I guess what I am saying is I hope the blaming of PTSD on that man's actions has not made you hate the condition. If I saw you on the street I would be no danger to you. In a way, his defense wasnt just insulting in the taking of your husband's life but it's insulting to all of us who are diagnosed. I

I don't want society to fear people with PTSD. I don't want society to treat veterans with PTSD like monsters. The stereotypes out there are what keep vets from seeking help. The longer they deny help, the more at risk they become for suicide. This is something I have chosen to dedicate my life to...helping vets with PTSD awareness and suicide prevention.

When all of that is said and done we are just wives who loved and lost our husbands too soon. If you ever need to talk to another military wife who knows your grief and can understand I am always around.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Service Member Suicide

It was recently announced that we have lost more service members this year to suicide than in combat. The statement is shocking, considering we are occupying Afghanistan and other war torn areas of the world and everyday another name is added to the list. People don't want to talk about the suicides. Its as if its a shameful secret swept under the rug. According to the Army soldier suicide is up 80%. EIGHTY PERCENT. We are doing something wrong. It seems that those who truly need help are afraid to talk and those who don't want to quickly blame PTSD for any shortcoming they have in life after war. On the news, if someone robs a bank the first thing they report is he was a combat veteran in one of the branches of the US Military. They skirt around PTSD as a motive. PTSD is real and its not an excuse to toss around lightly. I know why our service members don't reach out. I have been personally effected by it and now since my husband is weeks from retirement and 20 years of
Read more

False Domestic Violence Allegations and Personality Disorders

Domestic violence is a major issue in our society today, laws have been made to protect those suffering from abuse in the home. It took many years for such laws to be enacted. At one time it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hit, berate and sexually assault his wife. It was considered a valid exercise of authority from husband to wife. We have come a long way. The authorities now recognize this as what it is, abuse.  Because new laws exist women can live freely without fear of violence. Many women are alive today because the court's protection. With that being said, it is also now being used as a tool by women to exercise power over men in their lives. It's a sad and disgusting result of the very laws to protect us. False allegations of domestic violence are at the very least an insult to women who are abused. It makes efforts to secure protection even harder for women who actually need it.  If you are going through a divorce or custody issue and file false charges to gain
Read more

The Gentle Giant

Image
There are three men in my life that since childhood I have trusted explicitly. Jaime Valenzuela, Sean McGee, and Kenny Loveless. They have loved and protected me for 25 years and have always been there for me in thick and thin. The relationship was special with those three and even to this day I know for a fact that if I called them and told them I needed help their first reply would be "who's ass needs kicking?" It would NOT matter who, or if I were right or wrong they had my back. Today we lost one of those guys and in a way the world feels a bit less safe. We learned that Kenny passed away. He will be sorely missed by so many. We grew up together in a small farming community in Missouri, in the same neighborhood just one street away. There was a group of neighborhood kids who were together daily usually mobbed up in one or the other's front yard. We were as thick as thieves. For the most part even though half of us moved far away and we all grew up to have lives
Read more