Dear God

Thank you for getting me this far. It's been a little tough but I trust you have a plan and I will continue on to complete whatever it is you intend for me. I have not lost faith. Not even after Mikes death. It has never waivered. I will continue to serve you in serving others, helping them through their struggles in mental health and grief. I know that is one reason you put me here. This much I am sure of.

But right now I am scared and confused and I am feeling overwhelmed and small. I am really struggling. I truly believe his death was related to his time in war. His mental health was not well. Daily I struggle with the government to even acknowledge his cause of death. If I am wrong, if they are right...please give me the peace to let it go...to accept it. Because I'm making myself miserable, sick and exhausted fighting for him and I'm not sure if I should give up although I feel in my heart it's the right thing to do. If I'm meant to continue to fight please give me the wisdom and strength to go on. Right now I feel so weak and helpless.

Please help my heart to not become hardened. I am feeling more cynical and distrustful everyday. I have to chase those feelings away more and more often.

Please guide me in the right direction. I need to know which way to go from here. I want to be a good mom. I want to take care of my children. I just don't know how financially and emotionally I can make it. I'm not asking to win the lottery or for any material possession just help me help myself.

I want to make them proud. I want to teach them to turn tragedy into triumph but mostly I want to put food on the table and keep a roof over their head.

Help me from becoming bitter, please.

I know you have a plan. Help me understand.

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