Yes, this is my life

I don't know what the professionals call it or if it's even really been discusses but there is a period of time when a person dies in which I refer to as the "novelty period". Most people are well meaning, some people just like to be involved in whatever is popular. There is a certain self gratification people get by consoling the bereaved. It's hard to explain this strange behavior. People come out of the woodworks. It's positive and helpful at first. You really do need support after losing a loved one. But then after a while it just stops. Maybe they think you've "gotten over it". Maybe someone else has died and they've moved on. I don't really know but I distinctly remember the deafening silence that came then. It felt like an oxygen pump was shut off. It sort of takes the wind out of you.  I have helped many families since my own loss and learned it wasn't just something that happened to me. It seemed very common. So much so tha...

As if losing Mike in such a traumatic and tragic way wasn't enough to shatter my soul, it was only compounded when a mutual friend confided in me that my in laws were telling people I was both directly and indirectly responsible for his death. It's a wound that may never go away. To this day as much as I should hate them for the way they treated me and cut me a day the kids off after he died...I don't. I'm just so hurt. The day I found out about the rumors I went straight to their house. I stood in their front yard bawling, crying so hard I could barely get the words out. I asked why? WHY WOULD THE SAY SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS ABOUT ME? His parents stood right in front of me and denied ever having said anything like that. I apologized for not saving him. I begged for their forgiveness, for choosing my kids over him that night. I told them if I could have saved him I would. I drove off that afternoon crying so hard I could not see to drive. I had to pull over and scream, c...