Kick Me While I'm Down

My husband committed suicide on Sunday September 15 at 11:19pm Before daylight I notified my boss of the situation and that I would be off for a bit to arrange his service and take care if his affairs. She was understanding.
My entire department even attended his funeral. 
I attempted to return two weeks later to work. I just couldn't do it. The noise of the sales floor, the loud banging the people everywhere. Something just wasn't right. I spoke to the general manager through tears and explained I just wasn't ready. He told me to take as much time as I needed. 
I ended up checking into a psychiatric unit and was diagnosed with PTSD which explained my odd reactions to noises and crowds. I called work and let them know. We kept constant contact throughout the ordeal. 
One day two weeks later my boss called me and her tone was different. She asked how I was and I told her I was doing my best. She explained she couldn't just hold my job open indefinitely. I told her I would come back now and try. She said the position required focus and detail and with my grief and PTSD I just wasn't ready. I told her okay give me two more weeks and I will be back on November 4th. She said I was just setting myself up for failure and my position was very important to the company... But later down the road if a position did come up she would consider me for it....

So there it goes, my husband killed himself, I developed PTSD from the experience and lost my job because I developed the condition. Just like that. Despite the company telling me to take the time I needed. I was so confused I sent her a text asking for clarification.


I was pissed. I was hurt. I was grieving and fired. 

The next day I received a priority box from work containing all of my belongings off my desk.

I let it go though. It was the least of my problems. My husband was dead, my children were confused and my world was shattered.

That was in October.

Today I was near work so I stopped by to wish them all a Merry Christmas. Everyone was hugging me and happy to see me... Until the general manager came over and demanded I leave the building immediately. I was not welcomed there he said.

I thought he was joking. He repeated himself.

I walked out in tears. As if things hadn't been bad already. 


I lost my husband in a traumatic event, got sick, fired and am not even welcomed in a place I considered my second home.

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