Yes, this is my life

Yesterday I got a notification from twitter that one of my "contacts" joined twitter. The name made my stomach drop. He's not a contact anywhere I can find. He's a mistake I made and just seeing his name makes me feel bad. He's a boy I dated for a couple of years when I was a teenager. We had a very dramatic relationship. He would probably say it was our magnetic chemistry but in hindsight it was because he was a raging alcoholic and when drunk did incredibly stupid things. I was his designated driver before I even had a drivers license... Although we dated for a few short years he's always managed to randomly show back up every so often in the 20+ years since. When I was first married to Mike and Mike was in Iraq he showed up at my apartment drunk around 2AM, pushed through my door and tried to put his hand up my shirt. He was a bit too eager though because I stepped slightly sideways and he fell on his dumbass face. I asked him if he had someone to pick h...

Has anyone ever told you to "just leave the past in the past"? I could be wrong but every time someone says that to me it's as if emergency bells lights and alarms go off in my head. In my experience people who refuse to talk or even think about an event, period, or person in their lives are doing more harm than good in this practice. They refuse to reflect on the shame or blame of choices made or traumatic experiences. They may think blocking it out forever is a good coping skill. If you don't think about it...it'll magically disappear. That's so far off. Not resolving whatever has effected you so deeply that you can't even say the words out loud is harming you even if you don't notice. You probably aren't consciously making a choice to change your behavior or attitude but denying and repressing feeling and memories can only work for so long. At some point you're going to be like a tea kettle on a hot burner. There is not time line when you...

On Veteran's Day I was sent a screen shot of a vile Facebook status posted under the name Tiff Reina. I have attached it here to help you understand my concern. I was not mad. I was hurt. I took it quite personally because my husband was a Marine. He did have PTSD and he did "put a bullet in his head". I couldn't understand how the presidential election, veterans with PTSD and the mocking of mental illness could be both connected and evoke so much rage. I posted the screen shot on twitter and it's as close to viral as anything I've ever shared. The response was so much that the notifications drained the battery of my cell phone. After I picked my jaw from the floor I began to recognize why I couldn't make sense of it. It's because I have seen this disjointed incoherent rambling before. It's very similar to someone who personally struggling with their own mental health. After that it was very easy to forgive her. I don't fault people with menta...

In the 20 years my husband was a Marine there was never a question of who's job took priority in our home. It was he who had a contract with the government. His commitment to the country came first above all other matters in our home. He was dedicated and obligated to serve as the Marine Corps saw fit and it was understood by us both. That does not mean I was thrilled when the Marine Corps plans ruined the family's plans but we became accustomed to this unique way of life. He made many sacrifices in those 20 years and although he was living his dream it still took a toll on the family. As a Marine's wife we were taught early on that any sacrifice we made paled in comparison to the Marine we married and to complain of our struggles was blasphemy. Marines are sleeping in sand pits, ducking fire and watching their comrades die while we bitch about them not being able to attend our child's birthday party or something "petty". I believed it too. I did my patriotic...

On Halloween you pointed your gun in my face. I heard the click and prepared for the pain that would follow but nothing happened. I want you to know who you nearly killed Monday October 31, 2016. My name is Misty. I'm the widow of a Marine who died just three years ago in September. We have three children. Two of which stood on the balcony of our home and witnessed you pull the gun on me that night. Had my life been taken my children would have been left orphans. They are just 9, 11 and 17. They would have had to bury both parents before they were even out of their childhood. This wasn't the first time I have been the victim of gun violence. My husband of 11 years took his own life in front of me with a rifle. A rifle he recieved for Father's Day. A rifle he was trained to use for 20 years in the Marine Corps. Had you killed me both parents of my children would have died by gun violence. Watching my husband take his life gave me PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The...

Monday was Halloween. It was a good one. The kids had their bounty of candy and I'd finally got them settled and ready to tuck in for the night. Sean and I plopped down on the couch exhausted and started to watch a documentary about Richard III when Mason came down and said there were people all over our front yard and hiding around our vehicles. So naturally we walked out to see what was going on. I had heard partying at our neighbors house since before sun down and assumed Jeff, our neighbor was having another holiday party. He was notorious for hosting great shindigs. But as we walked out we noticed the people were all young...teenagers. they were walking both toward and away from his house. I couldn't really figure out what was going on so I walked toward his house to find him. I came to the door and his son Sam stood there looking scared and mortified. I asked where his father was and what the hell was going on. He said his dad was out of town. He invited just his basebal...