Yes, this is my life

I love the little moments when I get a chance to teach my kids things and I know they really understand what I'm trying to say. Last week I heard my youngest son call his sister gay. Not ok. So I've been talking to them pretty regularly about love and how not all couples are a boy and a girl. I figured I would snatch the opportunity to teach them respect before the word "gay" becomes a negative thing. Before other kids help him form his opinions. One of my favorite songs is Take Me To Church. In the video a gay couple is targeted by a hate group and one is actually killed. He watched the video while we were camping and I could tell he was completely uncomfortable confused and a bit embarrassed. I asked him if he had questions about it and at first he said no but a bit later he started asking. I love that about our relationship. I love that they can come to me first. Not Google or the playground. Who knows what they would hear... I explained to him that I am a lot li...

I've come to realize that being a widow is like being quitting an addiction cold turkey. You still want it everyday. It's always in the back of your mind. You don't want to stop but you know you have to. There's nothing you can do but get up every morning and stay committed. It's your first thought when waking up and your last thought before you drift off to sleep. You're never really over it. It never goes away, the craving. It's hard to be around others who have it.

When Mike died just four months after retiring I had finally reentered the workforce after staying at home with the kids for 7 years. They were all officially in school and I was excited to work outside the home. I worked as a warranty administrator in the finance field. The pay was decent and I got to get back into the swing of employment after such a long break as a stay at home mom. I began to really love my job and the people I worked with. It was nice to be useful agwin. When Mike died I had only been employed with the company for three months. They were very understanding and sympathetic of our loss. I tried to go back to work two weeks later and didn't last the day. I spoke with the manager and he said to take as much time as needed. I wanted to be there. I needed to be there but my head was in such a fog. My anxiety was through the roof. I found out two weeks later I had PTSD from the event. I was very honest with my boss.  She thanked me for keeping her updated. Before O...

Two years ago this week, I was packing and cleaning. Mike was checking out of Pendleton one final time. We would be setting off on our adventure in post retirement bliss. We were giddy. We were nervous. We were ready to start the second chapter in life. He always told me if I gave him and the Marines the first 20 years...he'd give me the second. Well, the time had come. It was MY time to explore my goals and make MY achievements. I would no longer we the support system for him...he'd be mine. I would not just stay home with the kids, volunteering at school and cleaning the house. I could go out into the world and BE MORE. We could plan vacations and actually go on them! We could hang out stress free not stressing over an upcoming deployment. MIKE WOULD FINALLY WIND DOWN. HE COULD RELAX! He would be present for all the milestones he'd missed the kids entire life! I will be completely honest I could not get that Durango packed fast enough. I was so hopeful. Hopeful that the ...